about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
