Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
