Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My cat gives me a boner
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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