plz talk dirty to me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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