go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
