Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
