I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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