True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
