those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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