just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
