Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
