Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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