i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
