garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
