That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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