Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
