she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
