I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
