I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
