Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
