I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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