This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
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I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We're too hungover to prance.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize