so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
