Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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