i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
