You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
