I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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