i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
