There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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