yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
