I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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