OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
