Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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