I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i think i have two assholes
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You took a bar mat shot.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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