answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My penis needs a shock collar
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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