is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
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Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
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You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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