I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize