i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
