i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
