I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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