Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
