Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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