honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
