Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
