I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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