Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
40s are totally the cure
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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