i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
