I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
