I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
