Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
