somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
BRING THE BAGELS
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
