After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
