I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
