Don't you send me to vm
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
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At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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