i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
3 2 1 whiskey
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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