It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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