Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You are the jesus of drinking
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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