It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
