I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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