Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
