Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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