I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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