I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
