There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
