I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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