We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
