So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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