He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
