The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I wish there were birth control emojis
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
