i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
