I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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